Help
by Carlyxo
Summary: My life. What I have and still am going through. Contains depression. swearing. minor sexual content. drugs. alcohol.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, this story is very personal to me. Majority of it is real of it is true. The feelings are real. Most of this story is going to be based off my life and what I have been through and what I am going through. This is the only way I could find to vent out my feelings, and I thought why not post it? I am not looking for attention either. I don't like people like that, so why would I do that myself? Well, I hope that you enjoy this and maybe some of you readers can relate. Thank you for reading :) **

Today was the day of the rest of my life. I used to think that was the stupidest line ever. I mean it didn't make sense. At all. Until now that is.

My whole life I was the fat girl. Today, I made my goal weight of 120 pounds. Thought I would ever look down at a scale and see those numbers, in that exact order, look up at me....My journey this far was challenging, but man was it worth it all! Yeah sure, I have been living with my brother for awhile now, but it wasn't always this good.

I was made fun of my whole life. Even my so called best friends made cracks at me sometimes. Well I guess not directly, but then they would make fun of people that were around them were overweight. For example when we would walk through the mall, one of my closest friends would turn her nose up at a girl walking past that was smaller than me, start mooing at her, or just going ewww!. Sometimes it would be just a simple fat joke. You know like those yo momma ones. It seemed as if they were actually talking about me. They never realized just how much it hurt.

My own Mother was even bad at making comments about my weight. She wasn't the smallest person either. Don't get me wrong I love my mom, but she just pissed me off too many times. It didn't matter what I did I was never pretty enough, my hair wasn't ever good enough and I was never smart enough. I was fucking Valedictorian and always was on the honor role in high school for Christ's sake! My Dad really never talked to me. He knew that it bothered me but never said anything. He was never one for talking. My sister, well, she was just there living her own life pretending to not know us, or even be related. She was one of those blonde bimbos who walked around thinking they owned the world. Yup, I hated her for it. We were best friends until she got to middle school and started hanging out with the rest of those kind of people. My 2 older brothers, Ben and Nick, were the only ones that I ever really got along with. They were the ones never commented on my looks and just took me for who I was. The night before my high school graduation, I packed my bags. After the ceremony, I left. I just got fed up and left my whole life behind, never mentioning to anyone where I was going. Except Ben and Nick.

I ended up in a couple cities over in a university studying music. You name the course; I took it, if it was available. But eventually my life savings had run out and I couldn't afford it anymore. All the scholarships I had gotten were all for just 1 year and only for certain courses, like AP English and stuff. I wanted to do music for the rest of my life. It was my saving grace, something that I loved and was only truly happy doing. For a year and a half I had done some things that one person should never have to go through. I'm not proud of some of my decisions but I had to survive. Those things put a roof over my head and had a little to eat. But I'd rather not go into gory details.. After that, Ben found me again and convinced me to go live with him and his girlfriend. And I did.

His girlfriend, Jennifer (Jenny), had never met me before, but gladly accepted me with open arms. I sort of resented her in the beginning, she was a little hyperactive and too bubbly. I didn't know how to take it. Over the past year she became my best friend. I was surprised when she actually liked me for me and didn't judge. Ben was pretty surprised at our closeness. I was never person to make friends that quickly. I had always been extremely self conscious about my looks, never had confidence in myself and was dangerously shy. I still was sort of like that.

I was standing on a scale, feeling so accomplished. I must have been there grinning like an idiot at the inanimate object when my brother walked in.

"Carly? What are you doing?" He asked. I never heard him.

"CAROLYN LEIGH!" he yelled in my ear. I then snapped back to reality.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" He asked again.

"Come here and look!!" I screamed beckoning him to get his ass over to where I was. He did as he was told.

"You did it Car!" He yelled picking me up off the scale and twirling me around. "I'm so happy for you!"

"You know, its like its not even real..." I trailed off.

"Believe it baby sister! Cause it is baby! Whoooo!" he started cheering. My brother was... well, a little crazy. He had his moments though. But if he wasn't his huge, tall, crazy self, I don't know what I would do.

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That night I had gone to bed quite late as we had gone out to the club Nick owned. He gave me free drinks all night. Seeing how he was just starting his business, and he usually made us pay for our drinks, I thought he was being pretty nice. I could usually drink a lot and still hold my own too. But I got pretty shit faced.

At the moment I was out dancing with this British guy. I love British guys. They're accents are so sexy!I wish I could remember his name. He had come up to me and started hitting on me. I never really listened to what he was talking about as I had just grabbed him and started making out with him. I didn't know what I was doing. I had had This wasn't me at all! Somehow we were able to stagger our way to the dance floor and start grinding somewhat to the beat against each other, his hands roaming all over my body. For once, I wasn't self conscious Suddenly he just grabbed my hand and towed me back to the bar. When we got there his hands traveled down to my ass again and was just rubbing everywhere. My arms snaked their way up around his neck.

"What do you want? I'm buying." He slurred in my ear with his adorable accent.

"Oh! Um…. Ask for a lee-lee" I mumbled while kissing his neck.

"What's that?" He asked as he was confused. What was his name? I just couldn't put my finger on it…

"Well its only this bar's specialty" I whispered. "I invented it!" I suddenly yelled proudly almost losing my balance when I was stupidly threw my hands in the air pointing at myself. I was never graceful sober, let alone wasted.

"Cool!" He exclaimed. _God he is gorgeous!_ I was getting lost in his sparkling blue green eyes. Earlier he had been wearing some ray bans, in a club of all places, but whatever. His hair was dirty blonde and was tousled enough so it kind of stood up a little bit. He stood at about 6'1. Just perfect for me as I was 5'8.

I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard my brother. Oh shit! He was going to make a big deal out of this. He was really overprotective.

"Jenny, let go of me! I need to kick that little fucker's ass! That's my baby sister!" Ben screeched, while Jenny held him back, who I might add is very little but can actually. But if she needed to, she could take my brother, who I might add is a soldier in the Canadian forces. She was a brute.

"Benjamin Frederick Hood! She is an adult! She is 20 years old! I'm pretty sure she can handle herself!" Jenny scolded my poor brother. Did I mention that I really love her right now? Well I do.

"Come on Benji Boy! Lets go home!" I yelled in my drunken haze as I staggered through the swarm of people and into the dimly lit up streets. The next thing I knew I was on the ground. I was never known to be graceful. I fell down quite a bit. Stairs were my enemy too. I broke my leg in three places last time I fell down the stairs.

Ben came over and picked me up off the ground, and carried me home bridal style. I don't know how he managed to pick me up. He was pretty plastered too.

I woke up the next morning from the sun shining through my neon orange room. I groaned and rolled over trying to block the sun from blinding my eyes. I knew I would regret painting my room that color. Hurts the eyes. I wanted to stay there and die. I rolled back over towards my bedside table where my clock was located. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that it was about 12:00 pm. Great. I recently began to hate sleeping in. After all, who would want to miss out on precious time with their brother who was going to be shipped off to Afghanistan in couple of weeks? Not me that's for sure! Especially since he was going to be gone for 8 months….

All of a sudden my door swung open revealing a very chipper Jenny. I immediately closed my eyes and prayed to the ever loving god that she would just leave me alone.

"Wakey wakey Caca!" Shit. Of course she just had to wake me up with that name. It's something that Ben always called me. When I was little he couldn't say my name right and it ended up coming out as Caca. I loved it for some reason… I guess I'm just weird that way.

"What do you want?" I'm usually happy but I had a killer hangover. Sue me.

"Time to get up!" she exclaimed and jumped on my bed continuously. I shot up out of bed and beat it to the bathroom. I bent over the bowl and just hurled. I was never okay after a night like that. Ever. Jenny just came into the bathroom and held my hair and patted my back.

"You going to be okay for a minute?" She asked me as I laid down on the cool tiles

I meekly nodded and she scurried out of the door towards her and Ben's bathroom. Her cheeriness was just getting on my nerves. I hated it when people fawned over me, it makes me feel useless. I really liked doing things on my own. As I waited I started to think of what happened last night. The whole night was a blur to me. All I could remember was this gorgeous guy's face, dancing, drinking, and well, falling down. The last I remembered was Ben freaking out over something. Then everything was black after that.

"Here you go." Jenny said as she handed me 2 blue pills. Advil liquid gels. The most amazing creation on this earth. I swear it was the only thing that you could get without a prescription that actually worked for me.

"Thanks." I replied gratefully.

After about 20 minutes of laying down on my cool tiled bathroom floor and periodically leaning over the flush, I went to the living room. When I got there I just flopped down on the black leather couch and fell back asleep.

**AN: Hope you liked it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Ash wake up sleepy head." I heard someone say.

I opened one eye a crack. I saw Ben peering down at me contemplating if he should jump on me.

"Do it and die." I mumbled into the pillow.

"What?" He asked.

"I said do it and die!" I screamed. Oh yeah. He heard me now.

"Jesus! Lee-lee you didn't have to scream!" he exclaimed with his hands over his ears.

"Hangover?" I simply asked.

"mhmmm. Son of a bitch too."

"Great Makes 2 then." I said as I turned the t.v. on.

I was still feeling pretty miserable. I was never going to drink that much for a while. I hate it when I can't remember what happened. Its like I was missing out on something. After all, I am a very nosey person.

As I flicked around trying to find a channel to watch. Then I saw _The Jetsons_. They are classic and is my favorite show of all time! Even though it was made in the early 80's or so, still the best cartoon ever! Elroy would always be my favorite. He was just too cute. I couldn't get enough of it. And the best part was, I would be able to watch all of the 3 back to back episodes since I had the later shift at work.

"The Jetsons again?!" Jenny complained as she came and sat down beside me.

"Chyeah!" Me and Ben fist pumped at the same time. We're so cool! Haha.

"Gaaahhhh!" she said as she tackled me off the ground. I couldn't help but laugh, this girl was always doing these crazy things. Oh I loved her for it. I had always had a soft spot for nutty people.

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That afternoon I had went to work as usual. Where I work you ask? Well as of 3 weeks ago I have been working at a Wal—mart as a cashier. My life goal. Not. I hate it there! The people are so cold, and I always have this one creepy guys come up and ask me for my number. He has these little beady eyes that remind me of a mouse… and well, lets just say he doesn't take care of himself. At all. It's as if he doesn't own a bar of soap!

Anyways on with point.. I got a huge surprise that day.

As I was ringing in a random customers items I heard my name.

"Jessica?" Yeah, my real name. I hate it, It took me back to the days before living with Ben. I quickly looked up and saw a huge looking guy staring down at me in surprise. I recognized his dark stormy eyes immediately, once you've seen them you never forget them.

"Jeremy?" I asked uneasily.

"Where have you been?! DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED WE ARE!" Jesus. Its been 2 years! You would think that they would just give up.

"Wait… We? How did you know I was gone? Last time I checked it's been four years since I've seen you in person!" I exclaimed hitting his arm.

"I know. I moved back to Tall Oaks, I'm actually living beside your parents." He explained a little bit. (Made up the name.)

Jeremy was my closest cousin of all. He actually moved in with us when he was 15 and I was 8. He had always gotten into fights with his mom and step dad, and it got so bad that his mom threw him out. What caused all theses fights? Well, Jer fell into the wrong crowd. One where they drank every night, did drugs, stole cars and stuff. He never actually told me everything he did. I was only 8 at the time, but I knew it wasn't good. My mom took him in under the conditions that he would clean up his act. He did, but he still smoked and drank on occasion. When he turned 18 he fell into the wrong crowd again. He just disappeared.

"I've been around… What are you doing here? And you have a kid?!" I asked finally noticing a cute little girl. She looked around maybe 3. She had his eyes, and blonde hair, which was probably from her mom's side. Jeremy's was dark brown, like the rest of the family.

"Yeah, Jess meet Adrianna. Age, this is your cousin Jessica." He said with a big grin on his face. The little girl was really shy and just hid her face in her dads shoulder.

"Call me Carly now. I changed my name." I said still wincing from the sound of it.

"Why? You always liked your name…"

"Things have changed." I stated while fighting back the salty tears that were screaming escape.

"Ok.. Well do you have a address or number I can get you at?" He asked changing the subject, knowing that I didn't want to talk about it. Even though its been 6 years since we've had contact, he still understood me. He knew what it was like not to fit in.

"Umm.. Promise not to tell anyone?" I asked looking up at him with pleading eyes. I didn't want to see the rest of my family. I hated it there.

He hesitated for a moment, but reluctantly nodded his head in agreement.

"Pinky promise?" I asked holding up my little finger. It was our thing. This thing was going to be legit. He laughed and hooked his finger in mine.

"Promise, as much as its going to kill me not to tell, I won't."

"Okay, I disconnected my cell, and I'm living with Ben and his girlfriend."

"What?! All this time you've been living with him! And we thought you just disappeared!" he exclaimed.

"No, I was on my own for awhile. But then Ben found me. Dude, you've got to get going just call me later or something. You are holding up the line." I laughed. Typical Jeremy, he always was a huge talker, and well, we had a lot of catching up to do.

"Haha, yeah bye Carly, and yeah ill call you later." He told me as he headed toward the doors trying to balance the squirming little girl and the groceries.

So to end off the typical day in the life of Carolyn Leigh Hood, I changed into my sweats that I had brought in my bag and changed in the bathroom. Next, I went to the Tim Horton's across the road from the store and ordered one French vanilla cappuccino. I was addicted to the things. So yummy! And the only real treat I allowed myself. I sat in the shop reading magazines for about an hour or so and then decided to head home. I decided to run today seeing as I haven't worked out for 2 days. Even though I have reached my goal doesn't mean that I can stop exercising. No way was I going back to my old lifestyle. No way. I was too miserable.

I pulled the elastic off my wrist and tied my long brunette hair back into a ponytail as I exited the shop. As soon as I got to the side walk I started to run the 2 mile stretch towards the apartment excited to tell Ben who I had seen earlier. If only I knew what was waiting for me I might not have been as eager…

**AN: Thanks for everyone who is reading this :) It really means a lot to me. And its also nice to hear that someone relates to my story. Mind you that not all of it is true but the feelings are, and majority of the events are. I know I said that I was going to write this whole thing before I would post it, but that isn't what happened. I just decided one night that I was going to post the first chapter. I don't even know how this story will end or if it ever will I guess. Oh and another thing is, can anyone of you help me with a different title? Help, is just the song I was listening too at the time :p Anyways thanks for reading :)  
Peace and Love 3**


	3. Chapter 3

"Ben, I'm home!" I called throughout the apartment. I was feeling good. I ran a total of 10 miles, just because I felt like it. It also helped ease the slight tension I had after seeing Jeremy again.

"In the living room!" he called back, voice laced with something I couldn't describe. Curious, I marched into the small room to see what was going on. 

When I reached the doorway, I froze in my tracks. Sitting there were 4 extremely hot guys. I did a quick scan of them. The one sitting on the end was really cute. He had blond hair that was in a faux hawk, the next had chestnut brown hair that was a bit short and tousled, the next was a dirty blond, almost brown, had a skater style to him, and next was, what….. HARRY? Another cousin who I had thought I would never see again. Harold Christopher Judd. He like us, didn't have the same last name as the rest of them. I knew coming to live with Ben was a bad idea! God…. He KNOWS how I feel about our family. He knows how I was left out of everything. When I was younger everything was fine, but as I grew older I became a bigger nuisance, literally.

"Jessica?" He said, like he didn't believe I was there standing before him in basketball shorts and a tank top. Then it hit me. He had a posh English accent… how weird.

He had changed since I last seen him. His tall lanky build was now extremely muscled, and his gross mullet that he had in high school, was exchanged with a buzz cut. It suited him and made him look a bit older than his 23 year old self.

"Carly." I sneered and narrowed my eyes at him. He looked at me confused.

"Don't look t me like that Judd. I had reason to leave like I did." I said giving him a cold glare. "Now If you will excuse me I'm going to go take a shower and clean up." I turned around and went to my room.

I picked up my hair dryer, straightener, and clothes. For the evening I chose some skinny jeans, a Hey Monday tee, and a yellow tank to go under it. The shirt was a bit see through. It was laid back, just my style. I never put too much effort into my appearance. Well, my clothes only I guess. But I wasn't a really high maintenance girl either. I didn't go get manicures or go to the spa, pile too much make up on my face, or die my hair that fake blond color.

As I made my way to the bathroom I bumped into a rock hard chest. The chest was clad in a black bat man t shirt. I looked up into warm brown eyes that had a childish glint to them. I took note that he was the blond guy that was with Harry.

"Sorry" I mumbled and pushed past him into the open door behind him.

As I showered I thought about how my day had turned out. Sure, I haven't seen anyone from my family in a few years, and now they are catching up to me? It seems really weird that Harry is here. He left when I was in grade 11. It was never the same. At first he called and we skyped but one day he just stopped. I never really understood why either. It was strange. He was another big brother to me. Harry and Ben had always been around when I needed them most, and Harry had never filed me before until then. He was one of the last straws. I had made up my mind that I hated small towns and I wasn't going to go back to Tall Oaks. People there are too bi polar, nosey, gossipy, and horrible, and most of all, close minded. It just crazy. Then I thought of the other three guys that I had completely ignored. What did they think of me? They were probably having a nice conversation with my brother and Jenny, but then I came in looking like a mess, then blowing up at what I'm assuming a close friend of theirs, and then running out, without saying a word to them. Well I guess I did say sorry to the blond one but I was still pretty rude for just pushing past him… But oh well. Its not like they were going to be sticking around. I hope….

I got out, dried myself off, and got dressed. I turned my flat iron on and blew my hair dry. After I was done in the bathroom I made my way into the living room to retrieve my laptop from the coffee table.

To my surprise they were still there. I took my laptop without a word and left. I faintly heard foot steps behind me so I picked up my pace. I scurried down the hall and back into my room and slammed the door. I flopped down on my bed and hoped the person got the message. There was a knock at the door. Nope I guess not.

I ignored it. The knocking persisted, and then suddenly it stopped. I was just opening up Itunes when the door was kicked in. I jumped up from my spot and stood in a defensive postion. I looked down and Harry was there on the floor looking like he was in a bit of pain. The door was

"The door was unlocked you douche bag! Are you that dumb? Dammit Harry! You broke my door!" I shrieked at him. The idiot BROKE my door. It was hanging by one hinge and there was a dent in it where I was guessing his shoulder hit.

"I'm sorry Lee. I'm sorry if I wanted to talk. Now calm down. Tell me why you left. Now." He said as he got up.

"Do you think that you can just show up and just demand that I talk to you after the way you treated me? Get real." I barked turning away.

"How I treated you?. You were like my little sister Jessica!"

"CARLY"

"Okay Carly. Do you understand how much you scared me when you ran away? Really? I can't believe you just up and left like that. With out letting anyone know." It amazed me how calm he was being. Usually he was a hot head, and I had had my fair share of arguments over nothing with him to prove that.

"Its pretty hard to imagine that you actually cared. Before I left I was dirt under your feet Harry. I was sick of everyone looking down at me, of being nothing to nobody. Do you know what that feels like? To feel like you have no one? Especially when there are plenty of people around? I grew up with those kids. They knew me. Yet they still pushed me aside like I was nothing. It hurt. So I left." I started crying by that point. It brought out old memories.

"What are you talking about? We all loved you Carly. And you know it. Your like my sister. You meant the world to me. You were. No are my best friend. You think I didn't care? I tried getting the RCMP involved, but you were 18 so I wouldn't happen. I even went to England to look for you!" He had gotten louder and louder. By the end of the rant he was on he was shouting.

"No. You may have loved me and Nick and Ben but the rest of the people didn't. In the end you stopped talking to me anyway! You stopped calling Haz! Why? You knew I needed you. You knew I was counting the days to get out of there! I was alone!" I retaliated

"Carly, I was going through a really rough time then. My best friend back in Scotland had died. Do you blame me for not wanting to talk to anybody? I went there because I remembered you said you were going to go there if you ran away. Well I thought that you would go there since all through high school you were so set on it." Harry reasoned.

"I didn't have enough money to get there Haz. Or I would have. Trust me. To get as far away as I could from Tall Oaks is my dream. But I didn't have the money. It wasn't good for me for awhile. I did some stuff regret but I can't take it back. I also don't want to talk about it okay. End of story. I'm here with Ben now, only I don't want my mother or father knowing okay? Seriously. I have reasons for that. I am sick of people trying to take over my life, for looking down on me, putting me down all the time. I was depressed for the longest time. Right now I'm trying to get enough money to get into Juilliard, or some other school. That's my main focus." I rambled on.

"Well I'm here if you ever need to talk. I understand about your mom. She could be a little condescending. And with your music…. I can help you with that." He said with his signature smirk appearing.


End file.
